


fear and futility

by lylikers



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, implied vrisrezi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lylikers/pseuds/lylikers
Summary: “If only this, if only that,” Vriska sighs mockingly. “What are you going to do about what’s happening right now?”“I don’t know,” you say, and you’re being truthful.
Relationships: Kanaya Maryam & Vriska Serket
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	fear and futility

**Author's Note:**

> HIGHLY ib a comic by rxdglxre on twitter that made me cry. this whole situation is a dumpsterfire so instead of trying to fix it let me just... heartwarming vriskan friendship scene while i wait for kanaya to snap. beta'd by lev kanaya lover supreme

When the last click of your wife’s boot echoes from the doorway of the cafeteria, the noise is so piercing you feel it in your gut.

You want to scream or cry or maybe break something, but you’ve kept your composure so well through all of this that it feels like there’s nothing left in you. Your eyelids droop downwards and you slouch as you succumb to the thoughts that have been gnawing at you for hours on end. After combing through your memory once, twice, three times, you fail to pick out the point in time where you went wrong. 

The game is something you can hardly remember these days, despite the toll it took on you all and the lasting effects that peek through the cracks of your political facades. What came before it all is even fuzzier. But even if the specifics are obscured in your mind, you remember oh-so clearly the feelings that her witty purple text instilled in you. Every conversation was a verbal strife that left your heart pounding, aching for more, and more is what you got. You could never even begin to express your gratitude towards whatever fateful power allowed you to spend so many years smitten with Rose Lalonde, nevermind the fact that the feelings were requited.

You want to be upset, to be enraged, to stand up for yourself just for once. But you think of the secret smiles she’d flash you in the caverns or over the table, and you know you’d let her take advantage of you for as long as you lived, so long as it was her. You wouldn’t be able to stand it any other way. 

As the lights begin to dim, you wonder how many times Jade and her daughter got to see those secret smiles. 

“How’re you holding up, Fussyfangs?” 

A voice rings out through the empty air, and you think this is the most grateful you’ve ever been to hear Vriska Serket enter a room. You swivel in your seat to lock eyes with her as she flops down unceremoniously into the seat next to you. She flashes you a sad smile, uncharacteristically affectionate. Here, you get your first good look at her since you were barely 8 sweeps old. 

She didn’t bother to change out of her god tier robes after the fight, hair mussed and clothes tattered. You know in the morning they’ll look good as new again, but you would offer to take them in otherwise. She’s all sharp edges from her bony ankles to her crooked grin, a real life snapshot straight from the life you left behind fifteen long years ago. You’re reminded of the pit in your stomach that desperately yearns for simpler times.

Despite all that, if there’s one thing you’ve learned today is that yearning doesn’t get you anywhere. So you snap yourself back into reality and allow her to indulge you.

“As well as I can.”

Vriska sighs animatedly. “You’re all so old now, I feel like a wriggler. Just a couple days ago I was leading you guys into battle.”

You hum amusedly in response, which is Vriska’s invitation to continue rambling.

“The kids are alright, though. Vrissy is pretty fucking sweet, if I do say so myself. I’m flattered. It’s a surprise that us bunch of losers were able to raise functioning offspring without fucking shit up and needing a retcon. Though I guess it was too late for that anyway.”

Vriska’s gesticulations end with her hands getting stuffed haphazardly into her pockets, and you can see the corner of a teal bandana peeking out by her thumbs. It makes you think. 

“You’re a good mom, Kanaya.” Vriska sounds exasperated, frustrated, angry even.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” you begin, slow and meticulous with your words. “But I believe what you’re doing right now could be classified as meddling.”

Vriska snorts and socks you in the arm in a playful sort of way. You return the action.

“All that seems to be going on right now is meddling. I think you rubbed off on them.”

A comfortable bout of silence hangs over you like a blanket, a pocket in time carrying just the two of you. You’re grateful to have at least one person in your corner, even if that fact doesn’t change anything regarding your situation.

“And you?”

Vriska’s face scrunches up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I assume you’re faring perfectly well with no thoughts or issues as you always have, but I thought it’d be rude not to return the favor.”

She breaks eye contact, looking down into her lap. “Ding ding! Fussyfangs is correct. Want a prize?”

“No.”

“Well, good, cause I don’t have one. I’m doing better than any of you guys by far.”

You smile. “Wow, a straightforward answer. If only we had a grip on this caliber of communication when we were 6.”

“If only this, if only that,” Vriska sighs mockingly. “What are you going to do about what’s happening right now?”

And so the ice is broken. You take some time to think about your answer, because even through all of this you still can’t find it in yourself to trust Vriska entirely. These kinds of decisions are ones you feel you have to make yourself, not with the help of a sixteen year old girl you haven’t seen in over a decade. Of course this is what she wanted to talk to you about, and you do believe her motive leaned more towards your well being than anything related to gossip, but still.

“I don’t know,” you say, and you’re being truthful.

“I don’t know if she did it out of spite, or fear, or an affinity I’d rather not think about. I don’t know why she sacrificed so much for this child. But as always it’s a display of how much she cares for the people she loves. I don’t think her intentions were malicious.” 

You don’t look back at Vriska, but you can tell she’s unsatisfied with the answer. Thankfully, she knows not to pry, and you take solace in the fact that she has enough faith in you to believe you’ll be able to solve this on your own. She slides to the left, just a little closer to you, and drops her head onto your shoulder. You smile and let your arm wrap around her waist, leaning into the touch. Tufts of teal poke out from inside her balled up fist, squeezing tightly. 

Huddled up in solemn silence, you’re reminded of Vrissy. Her toothy grins, the way she’d always get embarrassed when you’d drop her off at school, and you think about how she’s probably just as hurt as you are. If a teardrop or two falls onto your shoulder, you don’t notice.

Sometimes you wonder if you grew up too fast, or never grew up at all.

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING :) im working on a hs longfic right now! 
> 
> follow me on twt @grimdqrk


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